i guess this is growing up

Not being able to sleep makes me lay in my room and think. Right now I feel like my brain is going to explode, and I just need to get it all out. So much has happened since I graduated high school. It's like as soon as I got out of that place, the "real world" started kicking my ass. I'm not so sure I like this growing up thing anymore.

If you are a follower of my blog, you know what happened with my dog. It has been almost four months, and the pain is still real. It's getting better, but it still hurts.

I recently made the decision to come home from SIUe after only one night in the dorms. It was a bad experience. The first night there my roommate and suitemates starting planning parties before they were even settled in. They talked about sneaking in vodka and which boy they knew had the biggest penis. I could tell that that environment was not for me. So, I moved in Friday, and moved back out on Saturday. At the time it felt like the best decision i've ever made. Now, i'm not so sure.

When I first got back I was happy to be home, happy to be back to normal. I was no longer surrounded by typical party crazed teenagers. After some events that I feel shouldn't be posted on the internet for everyone to read about, i've started regretting my decision. Ever since I came back he (you know who you are) has been mean to me, and I can tell that it's because I was supposed to be gone. I was supposed to be out of the house, and away from here. I'm not sure why my being here is such a big deal, but my brother also agrees with him that I need to move out, even though he doesn't even live here.

So now the plan is to go to the place I said I would never go to: SIC. I'm not really sure how I feel about this, but I guess i'll find out if I like it or not in January. You see, when I left SIUe, it was too late to enroll at SIC. This means i'm spending now until January sitting at home. It's not uncommon for a high school graduate to take a semester, or even a year, off from school before pursuing a college degree. I know this, I just wish a few people around me would realize this. It would make this journey a lot easier for me. The emotional stress is killing me.

I hope that this explains the music videos i've been posting. Times have been rough lately, but music will get me through it. It has never let me down before, and I know it won't fail this time. Music speaks to me, and it's what gets me through the day. Without it, I would be lost.