Divorce is a dirty word. And it's exactly what my parents are going through right now. One is being ridiculously childish and the other is being ridiculously depressed. It seems as though I can't win with either. Of course when being nice fails I always turn to being bitchy. I should know by now that that doesn't do any good, but it's human nature to attack when you feel like you've done every other possible option to help the situation.
Parent number one: I seriously want you to get out of the house more and start acting normal again. It's been so many years of this and it breaks my heart. I've lost the strength to try, and the current situation we have found ourselves in isn't helping. You lash out, then I lash out, then we are both angry, and the situation never gets better. And when I try to tell you that I am concerned you turn it around on me and act like i'm saying you haven't done enough for me. I really don't know what to do anymore.
As for the other parent, well, you don't even care. You always have some sort of excuse for every issue I bring up. And the fact that, as a parent, you feel like you don't have to even try to work on the relationship, that's sad. You're so busy now that you don't even have time for me, and that hurts. I've kinda always known that you don't like me as much as my sibling, but it feels like a smack in the face when you talk to him all the time and can't even text me. I guess I should have learned to expect that by now.
This whole situation fucking sucks, and I feel like i'm getting punished the most when i'm the one person that didn't know anything and didn't cause any of this. I thought that leaving in a few months was going to be hard, but I can't take the stress of living at home anymore. I went to Chicago the other day, and I had a very hard time getting on the train to come home. I just wanted to be away from all of this. And I can't even find it in my to feel guilty anymore for wanting to leave. My life is falling apart and there is nothing I can do to fix it because I didn't do anything to cause this.
I don't know. I feel lost. And I feel hurt. And I feel abandoned. And I feel alone. And I just want to go away and start a new life where no one knows any of this and I can be happy again.
