There are so many little things that remind me of her everyday. She always sat with me on the couch. It's a two seater and I always said it was made for me and her. When someone comes to the house, she's supposed to be there barking. Letting me know someone is there. But she's not. And when I come into the house it breaks my heart because there is only two faces staring at me from inside the door. There should be three. Her hair is still all over my clothes. And I think that, subconsciously, this is why I haven't changed from my pajamas in three days.
I'm not the kind of person to talk about stuff like this, which is the point of this entry. Sitting here alone in my room at 11:30 at night makes me feel safe. It makes me feel like I can type this, get my feelings out, and no one will judge me. No one will tell me that it was just a dog and I need to get over it. Which is why I have a simple request for anyone that reads this: please do not ask me about it. If you have a comment, leave it on here, but, please, do not ask me to talk about it. Saying all this out loud would hurt too much, and i'm just not ready.
2 comments:
I know I barely know you, and I never knew Maggie, but I understand where you're coming from. Completely.
If anyone were to tell you "it's just a dog", or "get over it" or anything like that, they are absolutely stupid. A pet is someone you bond with and is a permanent structure in your life, like family. Just because they don't talk and pry into your life doesn't make them any less a part of the family.
A few years ago my cat died. This cat was my first pet, and I grew up with him. When I found out I cried for hours and for months afterwards if I thought of him or he was brought up in conversation I cried again. Even today, years after it's happened, I tear up thinking about him. It's totally normal to not be over it after only two weeks. She was a part of your family and a huge part of your life. I'm so, so, sorry for your loss, and I just want you to know you're not alone in your thinking or what you're going through. You can do this. It seems impossible at times, but you'll get to a point where "normal" life will be bearable again. Don't rush it though, and don't let anyone make you feel like you have to.
(P.S. this is christine from ndp if you didn't know)
Baby girl, everything you are thinking and feeling is exactly what I myself have been thinking and feeling, why, what if, if I'd only, I've thought it all too. You are doing just fine and don't ever be embarressed for what you are feeling. It's only been two weeks and that's not time enough to heal. It could take weeks or months or even years. You can always come to me and you know that. I miss her so much too. We will get through this together. I love you to the end of the world and back!
Mom
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